I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
