Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
