i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I AM VODKA MAN
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
