exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
