I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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