as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
