haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have demons in me.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
