I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
