im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
