I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
