so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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