Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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