Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
