If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
