I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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