you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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