No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
