The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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