from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
