FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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