Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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