My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
