My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
