i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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