I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
