Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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