there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
