i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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