My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
