He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
