I'm gonna have a badass scar
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
