dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
