Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
