kristin has been a bad kristin
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
