U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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