Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
