my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Green mimosas i think yes
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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