I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
