She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
