i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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