In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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