the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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