Christians are straight up FREAKS
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
