If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
