I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
