You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Will exercising make me less horny?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
