she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
