my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
