Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with two different species that night
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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