Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
