i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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