she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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