i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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