where am i from again
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
