Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize