You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
