I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
