well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
