3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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