DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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