4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
