I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
