I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
