OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
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Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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