Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
