I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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