I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
