I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
